


It's Not The End Of The World

by SpinnerDolphin



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Adam likes the world, Chloe is so bewildered, F/M, So does Lucifer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 05:43:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20130292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpinnerDolphin/pseuds/SpinnerDolphin
Summary: Chloe really wishes that Lucifer had told her that he had a son BEFORE said son shows up in the precinct with dire warnings that somehow concern her sex life.She'd say 'like father like son,' but that might end poorly. Nice kid, though.





	It's Not The End Of The World

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to [ Batard_Loaf ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/batard_loaf/pseuds/batard_loaf) for getting me to post this! It's just been sitting in a folder since before Season 4 aired. 
> 
> Also special thanks to Mira_Mari who has done a Russian Translation!! See end notes for the link!!
> 
> That said, it's definitely book Good Omens, too, but like. There's nothing here wildly different from the TV show, except for Lucifer.

Someone cleared their throat.

Chloe looked up from her computer, and found a boy, just a little older than Trixie, leaning against her desk. “Oh,” she said, a little surprised, but still offering him a friendly smile, “Hello. Can I help you?”

The boy shifted from foot to foot. He was a beautiful child, with golden, curling hair and bright blue eyes. He was almost too beautiful, really—he brought to mind Greek statues, and words like _perfection_. He kind of hurt to look at. “Is my dad here?” he asked her. He had a British accent, and he sounded neither afraid nor worried about speaking to a stranger, and a cop no less.

“Who’s you’re dad?” Chloe asked. Beyond her desk, something growled. She frowned. “Is that a dog?”

“Uh-huh!” said the boy, with a wide mischievous smile. “His name’s Dog.” He stooped below her desk and then stood back up, a terrier of some kind in his arms. “Say hi, Dog!” The dog barked and wagged its tail.

Chloe laughed, because the boy and his dog were adorable, but—“I’m sorry, dogs aren’t allowed in the precinct,” she said. None of the other cops seemed to have said boo about it, not even Dan, who was sitting at his desk not far from her. That was odd.

“Dog can go anywhere he likes,” the boy said offhandedly. “’Specially if my dad’s about. Have you seen him?”

“You haven’t told me who he is,” Chloe said. She supposed she could let the dog slide, if the boy wasn’t staying long.

“He’s got a lot of names,” the boy said, shifting from foot to foot. There was something familiar about his posture. “Like—”

“_Adam?_” blurted a familiar voice. “Adam Young? What the hell are you doing here?”

Lucifer stormed up to Chloe’s desk, holding two lattes. He sort of insinuated himself between the boy and Chloe, never mind her desk in the way. Carefully, he put one on the coffees on it. “Don’t you belong in Tadfield?”

“_Finally!_” said the boy, clearly irritated. “Took you long enough! You don’t show up to work on time!”

“I’m the Devil, Adam, people wait for _me_.”

“That’s very rude of you,” said the boy, sounding miffed. “And I came all this way to warn you, too!”

Lucifer blinked. “Warn me?”

“Hold up,” Chloe blurted, putting two and two together and getting a rather horrifying six, “He’s your _kid_? You have a kid?”

“He disowned me,” growled Lucifer, and, just—what? The boy looked to be about twelve—Chloe had known Lucifer for a little more than three years, and she had never heard about that; Lucifer had been though the courts with an _eight year old? _

“No courts,” the boy told Chloe, as though reading her mind. “I was s’pposed to end the world and I said no. Do you know? About him. Did you _tell_ her?” The last was added with an accusatory glare to Lucifer.

“Not so much tell as—show,” Lucifer muttered, looking down and away. Chloe gulped, because those were unpleasant, frightening memories, of her world turned upside down. Her world still went a little topsy-turvy, when she remembered that the bizarre things that sometimes came out of Lucifer’s mouth were real.

End the world. Lucifer’s son. Lucifer the Devil, which she really didn’t want to think about—her mental math came up with another six. “Are you saying you’re the antichrist?” she hissed.

The boy beamed at her. “I knew you’d get it!” he said, delighted. “Good job. I’m actually here to warn you both. We just did sex ed in school.”

“Spare me,” Lucifer groaned. “Adam. You belong in Tadfield. You chose Tadfield. Why, why are you in LA?”

“Because if you two make a baby it’s gonna be another antichrist!” Adam said, loudly. Several other cops on the floor gaped at them.

“What!” Chloe choked. And there it was, the last six, just handed over by the friendly neighborhood antichrist to make a devilish symbol. When had her life grown so bizarre?

Lucifer, though he was standing, looked like he wanted to melt into a puddle into the floor. “Adam—I have no intention—we have no intention—”

“I don’t want the world to end!” the boy said firmly. “I like the world! It is staying as it is! My grandpa will just have to wait! But he’s impatient, dad, and he’s gonna try so—so you can’t have sex.” He put down his dog and crossed his arms.

“Is he serious,” Chloe hissed to Lucifer. She didn't know how to say that that ship had most definitely, definitively, rather spectacularly sailed. 

Lucifer gulped. “He does have a point,” he said faintly.

“Lucifer. Lucifer. All those women—”

“Such an unsophisticated view of sex, detective! And normally I’m infertile,” he added, “But you make me human, so—”

“Use protection,” Adam said firmly. “I like the world.”

“I like the world too!” Lucifer snapped.

“Lucifer don’t talk to him like that; he’s eleven,” Chloe hissed at him. 

“Eleven going on forty,” growled Lucifer. “He’s older than you, detective. He just likes being a child, and if he doesn’t go back to Tadfield, he is going to start growing older.” He glared at the boy.

“This is so weird,” Chloe groaned, sitting back in her chair.

“You wanna pet Dog?” Adam offered. “Dog always makes me feel better when I’m sad.”

“Dog is a hellhound, Adam,” Lucifer muttered. “He is not especially good at making people feel better. Quite the opposite.”

“Shows what you know,” Adam shot back. “He’s changed. Earth changes people. Dad.”

“I am aware, Adam—”

“Stop! Okay both of you stop!”

Blue and brown eyes swung to her with twin expressions of surprise. She let loose a bark of laughter, unable to contain it. They looked nothing alike.

“Adam,” she said, “Thank you for your, uh, concern. We’ll take it under advisement. Do you need a place to stay?”

“I can go back whenever I want,” the boy said serenely. “But you have a daughter right? If you get married, she’ll be my stepsister.” He smiled at her, bright and hopeful and practically vibrating with the desire for a new friend. 

Lucifer made a choking noise. Chloe froze. She gaped at the child.

The actual antichrist wanted to meet her daughter. It was there in his big hopeful eyes. She didn’t know what to say besides _absolutely not_.

He seemed to read her mind and wilted a little. “I don’t hurt people, Detective Decker,” he said, blue eyes deep and sad.

Sort of hesitantly, which would have been adorable under any other circumstance, Lucifer put a hand of the boy’s shoulder. “He doesn’t, actually,” he murmured. “He stopped the apocalypse, about thirty years ago.”

Chloe made a squeaky sound. “She’s in school,” she managed, high pitched. “But I’m—um—picking her up today.” She couldn’t believe she was saying this aloud. “If you want to come? With adult supervision.” She shot Lucifer a pleading look.

Surely Lucifer Morningstar, fallen angel, could stop his antichrist son from doing anything too terrible to her daughter?

The boy bounced, delighted. “Please, dad?”

Lucifer made an unhappy sound. “Yes. Yes, fine just—don’t float any cows or—or make any aliens, or—”

“I’ve grown out of that,” the boy said offhandedly. The hellhound at his heels, he wandered around to Chloe’s side of the desk. “So you’re a _detective_? You solve murders? What are you doing _today_?”

He gazed up at her with such raw enthusiasm that she couldn’t help but answer.

“Well, Antonio Levits was found dead in a crowded intersection but there are no witnesses—”

**Author's Note:**

> Check out Mira_Mari's Russian translation [ Here!! ](https://ficbook.net/readfic/9473793/24303977)


End file.
